Hate and anger, of the dark side they are.
Ok so another day has come and gone... and it feels like my little family is not well.
Hmmm but what do I place in my blog. It feels as if my life has become so difficult that I live in a shell. It's been that way for quite a while now. Home feels like a very caustic place and unfortunately has felt that way for a long time now as well. I've noted even in my hard writings that when times get tough, I move very easily to being very vague. I see the same here in my blog today. Even as I write these thoughts I find myself watching them very closely.
That really does make me laugh as I come into work almost every day late, looking like a zombie, with about as much enthusiasm as a rock on it's way to the cement factory. Yesssssss that looks like I have it way together. Thankfully I read my brothers last post and it got me thinking about being honest again. And showing up honestly. Hmmmm instead of reaching out to those who could be of support I notice I tend to shell up, keeping everything inside, committed to handle it all by myself. I've done this for quite some time now, a defense mechanism that undoubtedly I picked up from somewhere.
Well the good news is my camera that I bought off of ebay came today, for which I am grateful. But alas home life seems to be such a war zone that I haven't been able to really feel like I can enjoy it. Plus it seems there are challenges up ahead, there are always challenges up ahead and things always seems to work out. But it seems like I keep getting the message that it's going to get harder if we don't get the lesson this time... and then we don't and so life gets a little harder and so on. I pray that we get the lesson soon that the lessons don't have to come as hard.
Anyway, my eyes are heavy and sleep lingers
Hmmm but what do I place in my blog. It feels as if my life has become so difficult that I live in a shell. It's been that way for quite a while now. Home feels like a very caustic place and unfortunately has felt that way for a long time now as well. I've noted even in my hard writings that when times get tough, I move very easily to being very vague. I see the same here in my blog today. Even as I write these thoughts I find myself watching them very closely.
Perish the thought !
someone would see me with it all not together.
HA!
Well the good news is my camera that I bought off of ebay came today, for which I am grateful. But alas home life seems to be such a war zone that I haven't been able to really feel like I can enjoy it. Plus it seems there are challenges up ahead, there are always challenges up ahead and things always seems to work out. But it seems like I keep getting the message that it's going to get harder if we don't get the lesson this time... and then we don't and so life gets a little harder and so on. I pray that we get the lesson soon that the lessons don't have to come as hard.
Anyway, my eyes are heavy and sleep lingers
2 Comments:
I hope you are enjoying your camera, compartmentalize your angery, but vent it when you can, safely--be careful and know that yyour are loved. Start posting you images when you can. I am excited.
gotta say that trying to handle everything yourself, and always wanting to look like you've got it together.... boy that sounds familiar.
Don't be afraid to reach out. Hard, i know, But , cliche as it sounds, It makes you stronger. gotta bend in the wind.. if you're too hard, too brittle the little breeze can snap you in two. writing helps. even if no one reads it. you know someone might. hugs to you.
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